Photos and Dating

Feel Him Pulling Away? Matthew Hussey and Gabby Bernstein's Advice, Summarized (Sep 2026)

What should you do when you feel him pulling away? In a September 20, 2026 video, released as a podcast episode on September 21, Matthew Hussey said the panic you feel is usually bigger than the person causing it. With guest Gabby Bernstein, he argued that the intensity often comes from an older wound, and the answer is to calm that first instead of chasing his attention. [1] [2]

Short answer

What it looks like: Shorter texts, slower replies, fewer plans.
What happens to you: You stop asking "is he right for me?" and start asking "how do I get him back?"
Their advice: Notice that your feelings are bigger than this person, and calm yourself before you act.

Why it feels worse than rejection

Hussey opened by saying rejection is the thing most people fear in dating, but uncertainty can feel even worse. He said it has never been easier to slowly disconnect without explaining yourself. [1]

He read listener messages. One said that when a man takes ages to respond, "my brain goes into overdrive." Another described checking a coworker's "last seen" constantly. [1] If that sounds like you, you are not alone.

The "artificially important" idea

Hussey's sharpest point: anything that gets taken away from us has a way of becoming "artificially important" because we cannot have it anymore. [1] Before he pulled back, you may not have known how much you liked him. Now he is all you think about.

What Gabby Bernstein added

Bernstein said that for people who grew up without steady love or safety, a wobbly relationship can feel like "full terror," and they will do whatever it takes to bring it back. [1]

Hussey's closing exercise: picture the person who pulled away and realize it is not their importance that is causing the intensity. The feeling "comes from somewhere else," and it is almost certainly not the first time you have felt it. [1]

The 72 hour plan (original)

This is our plan, built from their advice. Use it the moment you feel the shift.

Hour 0 to 24: Do nothing to him.

No double text. No "is everything okay?" No checking his stories.
Write down the exact facts. "He replied in 6 hours instead of 1." Facts, not stories.

Hour 24 to 48: Calm the body first.

Walk, gym, a call with a friend about something else.
Ask yourself: when have I felt this exact panic before? Hussey's point is that the answer helps. [1]

Hour 48 to 72: Decide based on what you want.

Go back to the real question: is this person giving me what I want?
If you want clarity, ask once, calmly: "I've noticed things feel different. I like you. Where are you at?"

What not to do

Do not get more available. Replying faster and offering more time teaches him that pulling back gets him more.
Do not go cold to punish him. Playing games keeps you in the loop.
Do not make his silence about your worth. It is information about his interest or his life.

When it is not you overthinking

Sometimes he really is fading. Signs it is real and not just a busy week:

He stops starting conversations at all, not just slower.
Plans get vague: "we should hang soon" with no day.
This is the third time he has gone hot and cold.

In that case, you have your answer. You can leave without a big talk.

Texts you can send, and when (original)

Send nothing in the first 24 hours. After that, if you want to say something, pick one:

If you want clarity: "Hey, things feel different lately. I like you and I'd rather know where your head is at."
If you want to keep it light: "Hope your week's going okay. Want to grab a drink Thursday?" Then let his answer, or lack of one, tell you.
If you are done: "I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I'm looking for someone more consistent. Take care."

Do not send more than one of these. One message says you are secure. Three says you are panicking.

Build a "pull away" plan before it happens

The best time to plan is when you are calm. Write down three things you will do the next time you feel a man pulling back: one person to call, one place to go, one thing you will not do (like checking his last seen). Keep it in your notes app. When the panic hits, you do not have to think. You just follow the list.

Quick takeaway

Hussey (Sep 2026): the panic when someone pulls away is often bigger than the person.

What we cannot have becomes "artificially important."

Calm yourself for 48 hours before you act.

Then ask the real question: is he giving you what you want?

Related guides

See all guides