Photos and Dating
Is He a Dry Texter or Just Not Interested? And Is Double Texting Okay?
Is he a dry texter or not interested? Look at actions, not text length. A dry texter replies briefly but still makes plans and shows up. Someone who is not interested replies late, rarely asks questions, and avoids plans. Double texting once is fine. Double texting into silence over and over usually is not worth it.
What research says about texting styles
A 2018 study in Computers in Human Behavior found young adults were more satisfied in their relationships when they saw their partner as similar to them in texting habits, including how often they text, who starts conversations, and texting just to say hello. The link held after accounting for gender, relationship length, and attachment style. [1]
That means mismatched texting styles can matter, but they are not automatically a sign of low interest. Some people simply text less.
A 2013 BYU study of 276 young adults in serious relationships found that for women, using text messages to apologize, work out differences, or make decisions was linked to lower relationship quality. For men, very frequent texting was linked to lower satisfaction. [2] The lesson: big conversations go better in person or on a call.
What women expect
A Hily survey of 1,600 Gen Z and Millennial Americans found 62% of women had ghosted someone who did not message enough, while 43% of men and 26% of women said endless chatting before meeting felt draining. [3] Hily ran the survey itself, so treat it as a signal. It suggests many men want to meet sooner and text less, while many women want more chat first.
Dry texter vs not interested (original guide)
| Sign | Dry texter | Not interested | |---|---|---| | Reply length | Short | Short | | Reply speed | Steady, maybe slow | Unpredictable, getting slower | | Asks you questions | Sometimes | Rarely | | Makes plans | Yes | Avoids or stays vague | | In person | Warm, engaged | Distant or cancels | | Follows up on things you said | Yes | No |
The real test: suggest a plan. A dry texter says "Yes, Thursday works." Someone not interested says "Maybe, I'll let you know."
Is double texting okay? (original rule)
Okay:
- One follow-up after a day or two of silence.
- Sending something new: a meme, a question, a plan.
- When you are already dating and he usually replies.
Not worth it:
- A third message with no reply.
- Messages asking why he hasn't replied.
- Long paragraphs after a short reply.
Double-text scripts (original)
- "Saw this and thought of your story about the dog." (Plus a photo or link.)
- "Still up for that taco place? I'm free Thursday or Saturday."
- "No pressure, just wanted to say I had fun the other night."
If no reply after that, let it go.
Talking about texting styles
If you are a few dates in and texting differences bother you, say it in person or on a call:
"I love seeing you. I'm someone who likes a little check-in during the day. What's your texting style?"
That takes the guessing out. Matching styles helps satisfaction, so it is worth a quick talk. [1]
If you are the dry texter
Some women are the short texters. If that is you, a quick note helps: "I'm not a big texter, but I'm into this. I'd rather plan a date than chat for days." It stops him from reading your short replies as low interest.
Keep the big stuff off text
Based on the BYU findings, save apologies, disagreements, and decisions for calls or in person. [2] Text is fine for "Running late" or "Thinking of you," not "Where is this going?"
Quick answers
He only replies at night. Is that bad? Some people do not check phones at work. Look at whether he makes plans.
He sends long texts but never asks me out? That can be breadcrumbing. Suggest a plan to find out.
Should I match his short replies? Match his energy roughly, but you do not need to play games.
The bottom line
Short texts are not the problem; avoiding plans is. Suggest a date to find out where you stand. Double text once, not three times, and keep big conversations off text.