Photos and Dating
No Contact After a Breakup: What New Research Says About Checking Your Ex's Social Media
Should you go no contact and stop checking your ex online? For most people, yes, at least for a while. Research by Tara Marshall at McMaster University found that deliberately looking at an ex on social media was linked to more breakup distress that day and the next day. Even seeing them by accident in your feed worsened mood that day. Unfollowing or muting helps you heal faster.
What the research found
2012 study. Marshall's first study, with 464 participants, found that looking at an ex's Facebook page was linked to more distress, more negative feelings, more longing for the ex, and less personal growth after the breakup. [3] That study showed a link but could not show cause.
2025 study. A newer set of studies, published in Computers in Human Behavior, used surveys, daily diaries, and an experiment. Actively looking at an ex's profile was linked to greater breakup distress the same day and the next. Passive exposure, like seeing them in your feed, was linked to worse mood that same day. [1]
McMaster summary (February 13, 2026). The university reported the work drew on four studies with nearly 800 participants, some just weeks after a breakup and others up to two years out. Seeing an ex online reliably increased sadness, jealousy, and breakup distress. People reacted most strongly to photos of an ex looking good, having fun, or seeming to move on, even with no new partner in sight. Effects were stronger for people high in attachment anxiety. [2]
Why it hurts so much
Each check reopens the wound. You see a highlight reel, compare it with your worst days, and feel left behind. Your brain treats the ex as something to keep tracking.
A 30-day no-contact plan (original)
Day 1
- Mute or unfollow on every app. Muting is quieter if blocking feels like too much.
- Archive your chat thread.
- Move photos to a hidden album or a folder you do not open.
- Tell one friend you are doing no contact.
Week 1
- Expect urges, especially at night. Write the urge in your notes app instead of looking.
- Plan your evenings. Empty evenings are when checking happens.
Weeks 2 to 3
- If you slip and look, do not spiral. Note what triggered it, then mute again.
- Start one new thing: a class, a new walk route, a weekly friend dinner.
Week 4
- Notice how often you think about him now compared with day 1.
- Decide whether you want to keep no contact longer. Many people do.
Muting vs blocking (original guide)
| Option | Good for | |---|---| | Mute | Avoiding drama, still connected | | Unfollow | Clearer distance | | Block | When he contacts you, or you cannot stop checking | | Hide stories | Quick fix for the worst trigger |
Do what makes checking harder. You can always undo it later.
When no contact is not possible
If you share kids, work, or a friend group:
- Keep contact to logistics, in writing if possible.
- Short, polite messages. No late-night chats.
- Still mute his social media. You do not need his posts to co-parent or work together.
The "just friends" trap
Staying online friends was linked in the 2012 study to less longing in some ways, but checking the ex's page was the part linked to distress. [3] Being connected is not the problem as much as watching. If staying connected makes you check, disconnect.
Quick answers
Is it immature to block? No. It is a tool. Use it if it helps.
Should I check if he's dating someone? That is exactly the kind of checking linked to more distress. [1][2]
How long should no contact last? Long enough that seeing his name does not knock out your day. For many that is months.
The bottom line
Checking your ex online keeps the hurt fresh. Mute, unfollow, or block, plan your evenings, and give yourself at least 30 days. The research is clear that less exposure helps you move on.