Photos and Dating
How to Flirt in Person (and Why Men Often Misread Women's Signals)
How do you flirt in person? Be a little clearer than feels natural. Eye contact plus a smile, a question that keeps the talk going, and a light touch on the arm if it fits. Research shows men often misread women's signals in both directions: they mistake friendliness for sexual interest, and they also miss real interest. Clear words help more than subtle hints.
Why flirting feels harder now
The Spark Study, a 2026 survey of 3,007 UK singles by Match Group, found 52% neither asked anyone out in person nor were asked out themselves in the past year. Singles spent 4.7 hours a week socializing through a screen, and 32% met nobody new in person in the previous month. [2] Match Group owns Tinder and Hinge, so this is company-sponsored. Still, many people are out of practice.
Why men misread signals
A 2008 study in Psychological Science looked at how men and women read women's nonverbal cues. Men were more likely than women to see friendliness as sexual interest. But men were also quite likely to miss sexual interest and read it as just friendliness. The researchers found this was mostly because men were less sensitive to the cues, not because they were simply eager to see interest. [1]
What that means for you: subtle hints often do not land, and normal friendliness may be over-read. Clear, kind words fix both problems.
Flirting moves that work (original)
1. Eye contact, then smile. Hold eye contact for a second or two longer than usual, smile, then look away. Repeat once.
2. Start with something around you. "Is this your first time at this class?" or "Okay, what's good here?"
3. Ask a follow-up. "Wait, you've done this before? How did you get into it?"
4. Give a specific compliment. "You explained that really well." Specific beats "you're cute."
5. Light touch, if welcome. A quick touch on the forearm when laughing. Only if the vibe is mutual.
6. Say it plainly. "I'm enjoying talking to you." This is the step most women skip.
7. Make the next step easy. "We should grab coffee after class sometime." Or give your number.
Being clear without being forward (original scripts)
- "I'd like to keep talking. Want to grab a drink after this?"
- "I'm glad you sat here."
- "Are you single? I'm asking because I'd like to see you again."
These feel bold, but given the research on missed signals, clarity often works better than hints. [1]
Signs he is flirting back (original)
- He turns his body toward you
- He asks you questions, not just answers
- He finds reasons to keep talking
- He mentions being single or asks if you are
- He suggests seeing you again
When friendliness gets misread
Since men can mistake friendliness for interest [1], you may need to be clear when you are not interested:
- "I'm just here to hang out with friends tonight."
- "I'm not interested, but enjoy your night."
You do not owe a long explanation. If he keeps pushing after a clear no, walk away and tell staff or friends if needed.
Where flirting works best
Places where you see the same people again: a class, a run club, a climbing gym, a regular trivia night. Repeat contact makes flirting feel less risky. Group settings help too.
Safety while flirting
The same Spark Study found 67% of women worry about safety before a first date. [2] For in-person meeting, keep early plans in public, do not leave drinks unattended, and trust your gut.
Quick answers
Is it okay for women to make the first move? Yes, and it helps. Many men say they would welcome it.
What if he doesn't get it? Say it plainly once. If he still does not respond, he may not be interested or available.
Is touching too forward? A light, brief touch on the arm is normal for many people. Watch his reaction.
The bottom line
Flirting in person works best with clear signals. Use eye contact and questions, then say your interest out loud. Research shows hints are easily misread, so kind, direct words help both of you.