Photos and Dating
How Long Should You Wait for a Proposal? Timelines and How to Bring It Up
How long should you wait for a proposal? There is no fixed rule, but couples who married in 2025 dated an average of 3 years before getting engaged, according to The Knot. If you are past that point, live together, and he avoids the topic, it is fair to ask directly. The real question is not "When will he propose?" but "Do we want the same future, and on what timeline?"
What the data shows
The Knot 2026 Real Weddings Study. Among couples who married in 2025: [1]
- They dated an average of 3 years before engagement.
- 70% lived together before engagement.
- They were engaged for an average of 14 months before the wedding.
- One-third met through dating apps or sites.
The Knot sells wedding services, so this is a company survey, though it tracks many US couples each year.
Pew Research Center. Pew found that among cohabiting adults who were not engaged when they moved in, 44% saw moving in as a step toward marriage. About four in ten cohabiters who are not engaged said they want to marry someday, and many cited financial reasons for not yet being engaged or married. [2]
So many couples live together with an unspoken expectation of marriage, and money is often why they wait.
Signs you are on the same page (original)
- He talks about "when we" not "if we"
- You have discussed kids, money, and where to live
- He includes you in long-term plans, like career moves
- He has brought up marriage himself
- You have met each other's families
Signs you might not be
- He changes the subject every time
- "I'm not sure I believe in marriage" after you said it matters to you
- Vague "someday" with no time frame after years together
- Big decisions made without you
How to bring it up (original scripts)
Gentle opener: "I've been thinking about our future. Where do you see us in the next couple of years?"
Direct: "Marriage matters to me. I'd like to know if it's something you want with me, and roughly when."
If he says "someday": "I hear you. What would need to happen for someday to become a real plan?"
If you need a time frame: "I'm not giving an ultimatum, but I'd like us to be engaged within about a year. Is that something you can see?"
Ultimatum or boundary?
An ultimatum tries to force him: "Propose or I leave." A boundary is about your choices: "I want to be married. If that's not where we're heading, I'll need to make a different decision." The second is honest and respects both of you.
If money is the reason
Pew found many cohabiters cite finances for not marrying yet. [2] If he says he wants to "be financially ready," ask what that means in numbers and time. A ring and wedding can be as simple or expensive as you choose. A shared savings plan can turn "not ready" into "by next fall."
A one-year check-in (original)
If you are unsure whether to raise it, try a simple annual check-in on your anniversary:
- Are we happy with how we spend our time?
- Are we on track with money goals?
- Where do we want to be next year: living, work, family?
- Is marriage still something we both want, and when?
Making it a routine takes the pressure off any single conversation.
When to walk away
That is personal. But if you have been clear about wanting marriage, he has been vague for a long time, and nothing changes after a direct talk, that is information. Leaving a loving relationship over different goals is hard, but staying for years hoping someone changes is harder.
Quick answers
Is it okay for women to propose? Yes. Some do. If you both want marriage, it can be a fun twist.
Should we be engaged before moving in? Many couples are not. Talking about the meaning of moving in matters more. [2]
What if I'm the one unsure? Then say that. Honesty helps both of you plan.
The bottom line
The average couple dated about three years before engagement, and most lived together first. If marriage matters to you and he is vague, ask directly, get a rough timeline, and decide what you will do with the answer.