He Still Talks to His Ex: Harmless or a Red Flag? What 2026 Surveys and Studies Say

Is it okay that your boyfriend still talks to his ex? Sometimes yes. A quick text about a shared dog, a kid, or a friend in trouble is not the same as daily chats you never get to see. The question is not whether they talk. It is why they talk, how often, and whether he hides it.

This guide covers how common it is in 2026, how many people call it cheating, what research says about the reasons that matter, real stories from this fall, and how to bring it up without sounding like you want to control him.

Short answer

It is common. In a 2026 U.S. survey of more than 2,300 people, 66% said they still talk to a few of their exes. Among Gen Z, 28% stay in touch with most or all of them.
Hiding it is the line for many people. In a July 2026 survey of 2,000 Americans, 36% said keeping in touch with an ex without telling your partner counts as cheating.
The reason matters most. Studies find that staying close because of leftover feelings goes badly. Staying in touch for practical reasons, like kids or work, tends to go fine.
Bottom line: open, rare, practical contact is normal. Secret, daily, or emotional contact is a real problem, and you are not crazy for minding it.

How common is it? (2026 numbers)

Most people keep some contact. A survey of more than 2,300 Americans by a matchmaking company, reported in February 2026, found 66% still talk to a few exes. The same survey found more than two thirds would be uneasy if their partner stayed close with someone they used to date, and 57% admitted they have compared a partner to an ex.
Secrecy is what people object to. Talker Research surveyed 2,000 Americans from July 1 to 6, 2026. 36% said keeping in touch with an ex without telling your partner is cheating. 40% said talking late into the night with someone while hiding it is cheating, and 34% said the same about a secret friendship.

So you are not alone in feeling uneasy. Most people are fine with some contact. They are not fine with being kept in the dark.

New research (2026)

Wanting her back keeps the pain going. A study published August 26, 2026 followed 272 adults for five months after a breakup. Among those who stayed single, wanting to get back together, worry about relationships, and coping with drinking or other ways to numb out were the steadiest signs that their pain would stick around. If he is fresh out of a breakup and still hoping, his head may not be fully with you.
Checking her social media keeps him stuck. A set of studies of 762 people published in March 2026 found that looking up an ex on social media, on purpose or not, was tied to more breakup pain, worse moods, and more jealousy. The authors suggest unfollowing or muting exes.
Fond memories are not automatically bad. A study in the October 2026 issue of the journal Emotion, run with people in Asia, found that thinking warmly about an ex in a lab task did not lower how happy people felt with their current partner. Satisfaction actually went up. So him remembering a good past is not the same as him wanting it back.

Why the reason matters (older research)

A well known 2017 study found four main reasons people stay friends with an ex: comfort and support, practical needs like kids or shared stuff, being polite, and leftover romantic hopes. Staying friends because of leftover hopes was linked to more heartbreak, more jealousy, and a harder time with new partners. Practical and support reasons had better outcomes. An earlier study of college students found about 40% of people in relationships talked to an ex, and for some people that contact hurt the current relationship.

In plain words: a co-parent texting about pickup times is one thing. A man who texts his ex every night for comfort is giving her a job that should be yours.

What people who tried it say

The ring and the daily game. In a November 1, 2026 post, a 31 year old woman said her boyfriend of a few months plays a video game with his ex every day and says they only talk about the game. He keeps her photos at his house and wears a ring she gave him with a message about keeping her close to his heart. She first played the "cool girlfriend" and said nothing. Days later she realized it bothered her a lot and wanted to ask him to put the ring away. Her biggest fear was looking controlling because she had not spoken up sooner.
The emergency text. A 19 year old woman said her boyfriend told her his ex had texted at 2 AM about a mutual friend's emergency, and he sent her the screenshot without being asked. The chat was short and the last one was months old. She still asked him to block his ex, and he did, but he called her insecure. This is a case where he did most things right, and the fight was about something else.
The photos that brought it back. A 26 year old woman who met her boyfriend on Hinge said that three months in, she found old photos of him and his ex saved in an app. After that he grew sad, said he still had feelings for his ex, and broke up with her. She said friends told her he had used her to try to move on.
The double standard. A woman leaving a year long situationship said he told her his ex had hurt him badly. When she mentioned that her own ex had texted her, he went through her messages for 15 minutes and screamed at her in public, even though the chats were friendly.
Still calling the ex. A 26 year old woman said a 37 year old man she talked to every day, but who would not commit, still called his ex girlfriend, who lived abroad with another man. He also told her he did not want a relationship.

Green flags vs red flags

Green flags:

He told you about the contact early, without you asking.
The contact has a clear purpose, like kids, a pet, a shared lease, or work.
He shows you messages when you ask, without a fight.
It is rare, and it happens in the open.
He cares how it makes you feel and will change things like late night texts.

Red flags:

You found out by accident, or he deleted the chats.
They talk every day, or late at night, about feelings.
He goes to her for comfort when you two fight.
He keeps gifts, photos, or a shrine and gets angry if you ask about it.
He compares you to her, good or bad.
He gets mad about your exes but expects you to accept his.
The breakup is recent, and he still says things like "we might work it out someday."

Lesser-known tips

Ask what the contact is for. "What do you two usually talk about?" is less loaded than "Why do you still talk to her?" A clear, boring answer is a good sign.
Speak up late if you need to. Many women stay quiet at first to seem chill. It is fine to say, "I said I was okay with it, but I have thought about it more and it bothers me." Changing your mind is not the same as being controlling.
Ask for a change, not a ban. "Can you not text her late at night?" or "Can you put the ring away?" is easier to agree to than "Block her." If he will not move at all on small asks, that tells you a lot.
Check how recent the breakup was. The August 2026 study suggests people who still want their ex back stay hurt longer. Ask when it ended and who ended it.
Watch what he does with his own feelings. If he goes quiet or moody after talking to her, that matters more than how often they text.
Be fair about your own exes. If you want rules for him, follow the same ones. It makes the talk easier and harder for him to dodge.

Fair take

The case for letting it go: lots of good men stay on friendly terms with exes, especially when they share kids, friends, or a long history. Trying to wipe out his past can push him to hide things.

The case for pushing back: secret or daily emotional contact is a known risk, and many people count hiding it as cheating. If he is still hoping to get back with her, you are second place, and no amount of being "cool" fixes that.

Bottom line

Him talking to his ex is not the problem. Hiding it, leaning on her for comfort, or still wanting her back is. Ask what the contact is for, ask for one clear change, and watch how he reacts. A man who is over his ex will make small changes without a fight. And if you end up back on the apps, The Face They See lets people of the opposite gender rank your photos for free.

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