Photos and Dating
First Date Nerves: How to Calm Down (and Why 'I'm Excited' Might Help)
How do you calm first date nerves? Nerves are normal, and you do not need to get rid of them. Plan your safety so your body knows you are secure, prepare a couple of questions, and try telling yourself "I'm excited" instead of "calm down." Research found that phrase helps people feel more excited, even if it does not erase nerves.
You're not alone
The Spark Study, an October 2026 survey of 3,007 UK singles by Match Group, found 67% of women worry about their safety before a first date, compared with 31% of men. Before meeting someone from an app, 68% of women tell someone their plans, 61% meet somewhere public, and 52% share their live location. It also found 52% neither asked anyone out nor were asked out in the past year. [1] Match Group owns Tinder and Hinge, so this is a company-sponsored survey.
So nerves are common, and much of women's anxiety is about safety, which is a reasonable thing to plan for.
The "I'm excited" idea
In 2014, researcher Alison Wood Brooks found that people who said "I am excited" before a stressful speech felt more excited than people told to say "I am calm," and judges rated their speeches better. A 2025 replication found nearly identical results for how people felt, but did not find differences in how observers rated their performance. [2]
What that means for dates: nerves and excitement feel similar in your body, like a fast heart and butterflies. Calling it excitement may help you feel better, even if it does not make you look different. That is still worth it.
Before the date (original plan)
The day before
- Pick your outfit. Comfortable shoes matter.
- Check the route and how you will get home.
- Choose a public place you like.
Two hours before
- Eat something. Low blood sugar makes nerves worse.
- Send your plan to a friend: who, where, when.
- Set up location sharing if you use it.
Ten minutes before
- Breathe slowly: in for 4, out for 6, five times.
- Say "I'm excited" in your head or out loud.
- Remember: this is just finding out if you like him.
During the date (original tips)
- Arrive a few minutes early if a calm start helps you, or right on time if waiting makes you anxious.
- Order a drink you like, alcoholic or not. You do not need alcohol to relax.
- Ask him a question early. It shifts focus off you.
- Notice your feet on the floor if anxiety spikes.
- Take a bathroom break to reset if you need it.
Reframe the goal (original)
Many women go in thinking "Will he like me?" Try "Do I like him?" You are there to learn about him, not to pass a test.
If nerves turn into a bad feeling
There is a difference between butterflies and your gut telling you something is wrong. If he pressures you, makes you uncomfortable, or crosses a boundary, leave. You do not owe anyone your time when you feel unsafe.
Small confidence boosts
- Wear something you have worn before and feel good in.
- Have a backup plan for after: a friend call or your favorite show.
- Keep the first date short, like coffee, so it feels low stakes.
Quick answers
Should I tell him I'm nervous? A light mention can help: "I'm a little nervous, first dates are funny." Many people relax when the other person admits it.
Is a drink okay to calm down? One is common. More can affect judgment and safety. You can have a great date with none.
What if I blank on what to say? Ask him about something from his profile. People love talking about their interests.
The bottom line
Nerves are normal, especially for women who also think about safety. Plan your safety first, prepare a few questions, and try calling it excitement. Make the goal finding out if you like him.